Not a happy Valentine’s Day?

Facebook is filled with snapshots of happy Valentine’s breakfasts, dozens of roses, sweet cards and smiling faces. And everywhere, hearts. What if your valentine has passed away, leaving a huge heart-shaped hole in your chest? Or have you recently discovered your significant other has been cheating on you? Or the one who should be kind and caring wounds you with looks or words, or worse? Or your physical condition, or of one you love, through disease, injury or pain, prohibits fully entering into any celebration? Or are you are simply alone?
What if you feel you have more in common with the original Valentine, whose ending was pretty gruesome, than the pink-red-chocolate day so celebrated now?

A pity party seems more in order than a Valentine’s Party.

The truth is, even people who are doing their best cannot love us enough to live out the language of all those cards

Can’t fill the love-need we all experience, and on holidays like these, in greater intensity.

At a low point during my college years I discovered T.S. Elliot, and sobbed over these lines at the beginning of his poem “Ash Wednesday”

Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man’s gift and that man’s scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the aged eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?

In junior high I wrote a poem full of young angst, concluding with:
“Teach me how to love, and yet not care.
Teach me how to love, and yet beware.”

When I reached the final page of “Ash Wednesday,” I came unglued (causing quite a disturbance in the library).

Although I do not hope to turn again
Although I do not hope
Although I do not hope to turn
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks.

(Emphasis mine)

T.S. Eliot’s poetry began my journey to peace. It started with learning contentment among the rocks.

That’s pretty bleak, I’ll admit, but that is where I was.

It took many years of whisperings of Love for the Spirit to heal me to the point where I dared leave the rocks. Launch into the water. Swim with gusto.

Jane body surfing in Bahamas, JHT — Jane body surfing in Bahamas

There are still days when my desires don’t sync with my life, and I ask for peace to sit among the rocks.

I have it on good word that request is not useless.

I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’
Don’t panic. I’m with you.
There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

Isaiah 41:9-10 MSG

The good news about our circumstances causing pain is we find out what our hearts are trusting.

When we are left chasing the wind, empty-handed, we’ve found an idol we are best rid of. Not necessarily rid of that person, but we recognize we have made an idol, one we’d hoped to be the source of our heart needs.

There really is no greater blessing than knowing the only true Source of deep, complete love.

I’ve never quit loving you and never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!

Jeremiah 31:3 MSG

And that love never fails.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He’s all I’ve got left.
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The “worst” is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won’t ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

(Emphasis mine)

Lamentations 3:20-32 MSG

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?

Look up

I found inspiration from an unlikely source, the Money section of our paper. The columnist, J. Robert Parkinson, said little things mean a lot, for example: raising our head rather than looking down. When we hold up our head we see what is around us, not just where we stand, giving us a greater prospective. That information puts us in a better position for decision-making or understanding. Head up, we more naturally stand straighter, which in itself can engender more confidence. And the erect posture makes room for deep breathing, better speaking. And, very important, we see others, make eye contact, and relate better. (Everyone wants to be seen.)

Lately, as friends have inquired about me, I say that I’m still dealing with considerable pain and have limited activity, circumstances mostly beyond my control, though I work hard at rehab. I must sound whiny, because I’ve received a lot of cheer-up, God-hasn’t-forgotten-you-messages.

In actuality, even as my world has diminished in terms of ability and activity, and pain remains, my vision has expanded. I know God is with me. From the beginning I looked up in desperation, and what I’ve seen in Jesus gifts me with an eternal perspective, and a deep sense of peace, of wholeness in spite of my brokenness, joy in spite of pain.

Even Jesus looked up when he performed miracles. The human side of him connected with the divine by looking up, away from the limitations of flesh and bone.

And taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing over them. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd. And they all ate and were satisfied. And what was left over was picked up, twelve baskets of broken pieces.

Luke 9:16-17 ESV

And looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.” And his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly.

Mark 7:34-5 ESV

How many times do we look down at our concerns, problems, or challenges, when looking up would give us exactly what we really need, even if we don’t know it?

When the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, so that they might go and anoint him. And very early on the first day of the week, when the sun had risen, they went to the tomb. And they were saying to one another, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?” And looking up, they saw that the stone had been rolled back—it was very large.

Mark 16:1-4 ESV

Even if we should experience the worse that we can imagine, looking up to Jesus alters everything. When Stephen was being stoned for his faith, he looked up and saw Jesus. It seems the presence of Jesus took away his pain.

Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” … Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. … And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

Acts 7:54-60 ESV

It is a simple thing that can make all the difference.

Looking up.

It doesn’t mean our pain will go away, relationships suddenly function well, or healing will automatically come.

We receive the ability to see beyond this world, this circumstance.

We receive the Light of Heaven

Has anything changed for you when you looked up?

It is enough

My bones are healing. However, every time I move, the soft tissue protests, reminding me it suffered greatly during the surgery to bolt my broken bones back together. I’m told it will be a while before I can sit or bend in comfort. Yet I have much to celebrate. D7T_3918

This week I went into town and had my hair cut, then out to lunch with my daughter. Except for sitting, I felt almost like my old self. In my last session at home with my physical therapist, he passed me to drive. Yesterday I drove to the store, then later to church, another milestone in this slow journey to normal.

Whatever normal is.

God, it appears, is giving me a new normal.

It began with complete helplessness, extreme pain and dependence on others for every need.

For several months unable to join in corporate worship or group Bible studies, I’ve had to draw near to the Lord in the quiet of my home, in the pain of my bed, in the shaking of my legs as I stand.

Every time I have to ask for help, I am crying inside, “Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me!”

I’d have thought by now he would have turned and touched my hip. Taken the pain away. Launched me back to productivity.

But he has chosen to lead me on the slow path of up two, back one.

A slow dance of trust.

Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

2 Corinthians 12: 8-10 AMP

And while new bone grows strong, a strength emerges in my spirit.

Not mine.

His strength.

His life.

This is how we know we’re living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He’s given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit.

John 3:13 MSG

So I wait.

And as I press on with physical therapy, and plan in smaller increments for my future, I am acutely aware that my body does not contain my life.

Eternity holds me.

And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10b ESV

The revelation of God is whole
and pulls our lives together.
The signposts of God are clear
and point out the right road.

The life-maps of God are right,
showing the way to joy.
The directions of God are plain
and easy on the eyes.

D7T_5066 — Smokey Mountains, North Carolina

God’s Word is better than a diamond,
better than a diamond set between emeralds.
You’ll like it better than strawberries in spring,
better than red, ripe strawberries.

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D7T_0661 — Roseate Spoonbills, Celery Fields, Sarasota, FL

Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins,
from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed,
scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.

Ps 19:11-12 MSG

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