What love!

AT this writing I have nine grandchildren, and the mantle is beginning to sit comfortably on my shoulders. After my oldest granddaughter turned sixteen, I thought back to her first days of life, and how God began to instruct me through my interaction with the next generation.

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 I arrived as they were going home from the hospital. It was love at first touch.

After spending the first weeks with my oldest daughter, her husband, and Corrina, my precious first grandchild, it was time for me to leave. Tears blinded me as I nuzzled her fuzzy head, one last time.

Grammi cuddling Corrina

I placed her in my daughter’s arms and promised, “I’ll be back soon!”

With a final wave and an attempt at a calm face, I headed for the plane, my precious ones disappearing from view. I could still feel her warmth and softness.

I would not forget the imprint my first grandchild had made on my heart.

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At 30,000 feet, aching with loss, I opened my Bible and read Isaiah 49:15.

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

With a sigh I laid my head back.

In that moment I glimpsed God’s love for me. He loves me the way I love Corrina. He hovers over me as I sleep, waiting to shower me with love and care as soon as I open my eyes and seek Him, as I had done with her. He aches when I cry in pain, and comes to my aid when I’m scared and calling for help. He yearns for me and seeks me when I wander.

Isaiah assured me that God loves me even more than I do my grandchild. Moreover, Jesus is as anxious to come back for me one day as I am to return to Corrina.

Under my breath, I quoted Psalm 139:13-14: “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Just as Corrina did nothing to earn her place in my heart, the value of my life was created in the heart of God, not in my usefulness or worth in this world.

We are all that valuable, all that loved, all that yearned for.

What promises! What love! What a God!

As she lay dying

His sister called, and early the next morning my husband flew west to be at his mother’s bedside. He and his sisters kept vigil. At the hospice nurse’s urging, they spoke to her as if she could hear them, even though she didn’t respond.

old hands

Back home, I waited and prayed. For three days, I prayed that the Lord would minister to them even as they ministered to her. Prayed that whatever remained for her spirit to transact with Jesus would take place.

After hours of thunderstorms, late in the afternoon the rain stopped. I grabbed my dog’s leash and pulled on my walking shoes. Outside, leaves dripped, shinning in the soft light of twilight. The grass and trees seemed greener, more vibrant.

When I stepped out from under our oak trees onto the street, I looked up and gasped. On my right, pink and purple clouds tumbled upward from a sunset of scarlet and tangerine.

As I turned to the east, peace poured over me. Pink cotton candy clouds billowed with reflected sunset colors, and two complete rainbows, one over the other, arched across the horizon. The outer bands of color fluxed in and out of the clouds as if someone were mixing watercolors.

A holy moment. A gateway to heaven. I couldn’t move.

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Finally, Lily tugged, anxious for her long-awaited walk. I set out, often turning to witness the rainbows. I tried to snap their exquisite beauty with my cell phone, frustrated that the purples and greens wouldn’t come through. I was too close to capture the complete arcs and hoped I could move far enough west to get them. But when I came around the circle and out from under more oak trees, the rainbows had vanished.

But the deep peace abided, an other-world kind of peace that has no basis in circumstances or status.

Pure gift.

sunset

Not long after I returned home, my husband called, his voice hoarse with emotion.

“Mom’s gone. She’s gone to be with Dad.”

They had been telling stories and laughing about their hard-headed father, who’d died only months before. The sister who’d been caring for their mother so long was holding her hand when she slipped away.

I loved her very much, and I knew that somehow, the Lord had included me in her home-going, 1,300 miles away.

These tiny glimpses of heaven are promises of what is to come, encouragement when the sky is dark and life is brutal. When progress seems so long in coming. When we lose a loved one.

Have you recently experienced a great loss?

Or do you face the gradual seeping away of hope?

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

The vows from 9/11

As we remember September 11th, that horrible day, we may also recall the days that followed in which many of us vowed to make every moment count, to spend more time with family, to realign our goals and ambitions, and for some of us, lay up treasures in heaven.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:20 NIV

For a long time I tried to follow that command because of the negative sides — what I would not be able to hang on to. While we were missionaries in Honduras I learned that lesson well. With so much poverty we had an abundance of thieves, as well as little creatures called wood lice which ate into any boxes I had stored. And in the humid environment (no A/C, sometimes not even electricity for a fan) everything was subject to mold or rust. The wonderful washing machine we brought down rusted and the outside fell off.

rust

We didn’t have a permanent home, so a small living room rug, family pictures, and my guitar were our only necessary possessions. We learned to live lean.

It was only a year or two after moving back to the U.S. that stuff began to grow in our home. I worried that I was putting the emphasis on the wrong place again. — the negative side of that command.

FreeDigitalPhotos.net  David Castillo Dominici
FreeDigitalPhotos.net
David Castillo Dominici

I’m beginning to look at the other side now — the treasures in heaven. Perhaps it’s because my hourglass has considerably more sand in the bottom half than the top. Maybe it’s because more and more people I love have died.

Studying the book of Revelation in a Beth Moore Bible Study has influenced my thinking the most. For the first time I sense of how absolutely fantastic heaven will be, that everything we enjoy or delight in here is only a tiny glimpse of what heaven will be like. Every natural desire we have is planted within us by our Creator so that we yearn for heaven, so nothing here could ever completely fulfill us. In this life we only have a taste, and are never completely satisfied. We won’t be, until we join the company of heaven. God truly has written eternity on our hearts, and all of creation calls out to us.

 

Have you ever stood outside on a starry night and felt a strange longing, or on the shore, watching waves roll in and feeling something so much bigger than yourself?

waves and setting sun

Or paused on a snowy pathway to enjoy the quiet and an occasional crow in the distance, only to feel in awe of something so much bigger than yourself, than the woods, or even our world?

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