I’m on the downhill slope in life. I could almost hear massive calendar pages turning today, the 1st of January. Initially, I cringed with a flicker of panic. I might not live long enough to write everything I want to write! There’s so much more I want to do!
Then I caught my self and remembered my resolution: No more striving to do it right. No more yardstick in my mind when I get in bed at night, measuring my day, my words, my actions, or lack thereof– always finding myself wanting. No more (pitiful) efforts toward House Beautiful (I’d already given up on the yard) or photo-ready outfits.
No more turning dreams into bullet-point goals that I use to beat myself up when I don‘t reach them, when “life gets in the way.”
No more waiting to live when I am well, or stronger, get it all right, or finally get all my piles sorted and my mom’s boxes emptied in the attic.
My resolution for 2019 is to live right now. Invest in this moment, because it really is all I have.
(Anyone figured any other way?)
I learned as a child to postpone my life and not feel emotions. I’ve been on a long journey to being wholly present. I’m waking up to really living and want to make the moments count.
If this hasn’t been an issue for you, perhaps you are tempted to stop reading.
But I find many around me struggling for other reasons. We have so much motion, activity, so much noise in our world. So much interaction with screens in place of in-the-flesh people.
Our culture is simmering us, slowly, in a pot of our own making.
Well, this frog is jumping out.
Recently, at just the right time, my daughter handed me a copy of Present Over Perfect, Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful way of Living, Zondervan, by Shauna Niequist.
I’m savoring every page.
“Present over perfect living is real over image, connection over comparing, meaning over mania, depth over artifice. Present over perfect living is the risky and revolutionary belief that the world God has created is beautiful and valuable on its own terms, and that it doesn’t need to be zhuzzed up and fancy in order to be wonderful.
Sink deeply into the world as it stands. Breathe in the smell of rain and scuff of leaves as they scrape across driveways on windy nights. This is where life is, not in some imaginary, photo-shopped dreamland. Here. Now. You, just as you are. Me, just as I am. This world, just as it is. This is the good stuff. This is the best stuff there is. Perfect has nothing on truly, completely, wide-eyed, open-souled present.” p130
No more lists of changes for 2019.
I’m singing along with Marcia Ramirez: There’s a Reason
I’m letting go of trying to be in control. There’s a reason He is God and I am not. And I’m so glad!
So I’ll simply love on my family, enjoy my dog, relish friendships, bask in worship and beautiful music, and relax into soft Florida breezes.
And I’ll have more tea parties, with fine china.
How about you? Where does 2019 find you?